The truth will out.
Today I was very lazy. I had homework to do: Reading for history, sketching for art, etc. I had several un-finished books I could have read. I even had movie-rentals to watch, if I felt like doing something that didn't require too much mental exercise.
Instead, I spent all day... sleeping in, flirting with a fellow-blogger, and walking aimlessly around my neighborhood. And I blogged. But really, I did nothing. As a result, I felt nothing... well, almost nothing. And then something awful happened, I watched last Thursday's Ugly Betty. This show usually is not one to make me so depressed that I feel inclined to rip out my heart and throw it at the gates of hell (yes, hell is gated), but tonight it so was.
---Thursday's episode of Ugly Betty: in which, we the audience begin to discover what an amazing person this Matt character is, and witness the first kiss of Matt and Betty. It is a kiss in the Ugly Betty hand - innocent, sweet, free of sleezy pretense.---
If you're at all confused as to why this would bother me, please read my previous post. if you are too lazy/impatient to read said post, I can't/won't help you.
On the other hand, there is this explanation as well:
Not being one to settle for being in a relationship I don't really want, with someone I'm not really that into, I have led my entire life without the presence of a boyfriend. Booh-hoo, so sad, whatever. The point is that I'm lonely, and I'm not afraid to admit it, or at least I shouldn't be. I want to want someone. And I want that someone to want me back. When I get done doing whatever it is that I have to do in a day, I want to be able to joke around, talk to, and be with this person. I want to really know them, and I want them to really know me. And yes, I want to have amazing sex.
Lately I have been focused on the whole absence-of-sex thing as being my main problem. As in, perhaps if I was a little less frustrated I wouldn't have this nagging in my brain/heart/body. Being a non-slutty virgin who in all honesty will probably wait until marriage, though, has left me pretty powerless/unwilling to solve said frustration.
And then tonight I inevitably realized that the sex thing was very simply not it. Or, at least, not all of it.
But my God, the quick-fix just looks so damn appealing sometimes.