Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Oh, Doom!

Tomorrow night is New Year's Eve and I am SO excited... that it's not Tomorrow night yet!

Working in Touristville, CA may have it's perks (Hot co-worker anyone?), but mostly it just has many, many un-perks (i.e. hellish events.) One such event takes place tomorrow night, because if Touristville is anything, it is a place for people of questionable taste to get together and stumble around drunk, yelling at anyone and everyone. (Also a place for surprised families to wander around dodging said drunks, but we won't get into that.)

Every Year, our shop takes part in this horrible event by pitching a tent (like the ones at the State Fair), and selling the most tacky New Year's Eve trinketry imagineable. People come, try to haggle, fail, yell, etc. It's quite a show.

Luckily for me, I do not have to work in the tent (which will be outside and freezing); but The Co-worker will be there, which makes me nervous - mostly because this means spending most of the night fighting off the urge to a) jump him, b) bring him a cup of something hot every other minute, c) be the warmth he craves. (Have I mentioned we're not even dating?) Most of these urges are pretty much unnavoidable since clearly I am attracted to him, but be that as it may, I would much rather have him indoors with me where I can keep an eye on him (I fear for his pretty face around all those drunken loons, possibly armed with legal explosives) and effectively decrease my worries to points a) and c).

Even greater than the fear of possible (unwarrented) separation-anxiety, however, is the fear of actually being sent to The Tent! I am, among other things, terrible at math - and being in the tent means, you guessed it, no cash register! Which means no handy little built-in calculator to magically tell you how much money to give back to the customer so they do not a) yell in your face, b) look really confused, or c) laugh horrendously (we must remember that these people are drunk, after all.) The Tent will not do me any favors, and I hope to God I am not asked to choose between my job and my dignity tomorrow night, because it's going to be a close call!

Anyway, wish me luck! I promise to do my part by supplying you with as many hellish details as you can handle. Here's hoping your New Year's isn't as lame as mine!

Monday, December 29, 2008

A (Ridiculous) Work in Progress

Must. Stop. The. Obsession!!!

OK, seriously - I know this is going to sound completely lame and I am OFFICIALLY a loser for saying it --- but I have SUCH a massive crush on my co-worker, it isn't even funny. OK, maybe it is a little funny.

It all started last July (or was it June?) when we inexplicably began working almost EVERY SINGLE DAY together. I'm not even kidding, it was madness - we never spent one solitary minute together outside of work, yet it was like he was always around. Normally, this would probably mean a lot of impending irritation and the discovery of all his finer flaws, but somehow, such was not the case.

Instead, it was like the more I saw of him, the more I realized what an incredibly decent person he was; Translation: HE'S SO HOT!!! How had I never seen this before? Or better question - How had all his annoying little habits suddenly, and magically, transformed into the human equivalent of catnip?? This was not good. Or was it? Seeing as my job is working in a small shop in Touristville, CA, which, up until this point, was mind-numbingly boring at best, the distraction of heart-pumping madness and butterflies in my stomach was pretty much a welcome relief!

So now, here I am, a whole 5 months later (or is it 6?) with the same stupid crush. I mean really, it's like the 5th grade all over again!! (Also like the 7th, 10th, and 13th grades all over again, but who's counting?)

I realize that the best thing I can do now is simply practice a little self-restraint and PHASE THIS SUCKER OUT; because I really am beginning to make a complete fool of myself, which is an embarrassment and a sham. And REALLY, if something was going to happen between us - It. Would. Have. Happened. Already!

So, right - self-restraint. Great. I'll let you know how that goes.

Until then,

Friday, December 19, 2008

Notes from the Underground

Tonight I am posting from work. That's right, I am a bad, bad girl. (Nothing dirty intended) And because of that I am typing right now with a very creepy feeling of anxiety. I swear, at any minute The Boss is going to just miraculously appear, causing me to jump about a foot in the air once I realize that, contrary to my knowledge of his being already at home, he has been reading over my shoulder this entire time. and with that, I think I will just have to try this again from home. The risk is too awful! especialy the jumping part.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thursday is my lazy day

Hello and welcome! Or, as my good friend J.D. would say, "Greetings and Salutations!" This is my first official blog (in the sense that I am actually opening it up for other people to read) and I sincerely hope that you will like it. I also sincerely hope that I can manage to keep this up... it's possible that I will run out of things to say much quicker than one would think humanly probable... also possible that I will become completely absorbed in something else and forget all about this little self-inflicted responsibility. But such is life, so we digress...

This year has been hectic enough for the world, I think we can all agree, so for my part I have been maintaining a relatively scandal-free existence. I think it helps. For instance, instead of spending campaign money on clothing, I went shopping with my own credit card; rather than invite certain people to bribe me for a seat in the senate, I sat on my couch and watched Gossip Girl... I'm not saying that my alternatives are going to solve all the problems in the world, just that I am very selflessly providing some much needed balance to the world we all live in. I am not asking to be rewarded. I do it for you. You can thank me later.

In keeping with my particular brand of peace-keeping, I spent today doing absolutely nothing. (And I didn't even break a sweat!) That's right. I had originally planned to go to coffee with an old friend this afternoon (she is visiting from out-of-town), catch up (we had been a strange version of besties in high school) and wade through the impending awkwardness (our brief phone call left much to be desired in terms of any actual enthusiasm for a meeting), but as she never called me back I instead opted for a viewing of Gilmore Girl's rerun, "the Breakup, Part 2." Not exactly a valid form of social interaction, but whatever, it works.

Part two of my Thursday was supposed to be a sleep-over with best-friend-in-training, Edie-girl. We were going to watch movies and make Christmas cookies, and be our usual bratty selves, but she decided to go far away and be unavailable instead. Of course I do forgive her, firstly because she would get a complex if I didn't; and second because we are only moving it to Sunday - no biggie. And really, a good thing, because now I get to be here with you. And really, it was about time I started this thing right.

Ah, who am I kidding, this BLOWS!

I hope you have enjoyed this edition of the Annual Weirdo Pity-Party, and now it is time for me to go trim the tree!

Thanks for reading,