Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Don't Be Fooled

He's Just Not That Into You, In a Nutshell

Act 1: The Scenario
Alex and Gigi meet at the bar where he (Alex) works and she (Gigi) hopes to run into a man who never called (even though he said he would.) Alex, sensing Gigi's desperation, tells her flat out that if the guy she's stalking wanted to call her, he would. Thus, "he's just not that into you" is uttered for the first time in a movie which bears it's name.

Act 2: The Plot Thickens
Gigi, surprisingly relieved by the brutal, unsympathetic truth, begins asking Alex for advice on a regular basis. This leads to the two spending quite a lot of time together, whether on the phone or in person. One night, as Gigi sits at home watching "Some Kind of Wonderful," she is struck by the sudden realization that Alex is in love with her(!) or must be."There are all these signs!" She trills, in a much too familiar voice (to me).

Act 3: The Climax (without a "climax")

(This is where those who fear spoilers should skip ahead)

Gigi, convinced of Alex's love for her, stays late at a party he is hosting and proceeds to "throw her body at him." Confused and alarmed, Alex scolds Gigi, saying, "You take every little detail and throw it out of proportion!" (Or something to that effect. Seriously, I can't be expected to remember the exact line!) Nearly defeated, for once, Gigi tells him that "She'd rather be like that than be like him." According to her, Alex is even further from finding love than she is, because, hello, he has a serious problem with cynicism! The truth of her words is evident in Alex's responding "Shit, she's right" expression.

Act 4: The Resolution

Alex, taking extremely well to being yelled at by his friend, realizes he has fallen for Gigi. So he shows up at her apartment one night, confesses his love, and (when she simply will not shut up or stop "rejecting" him) kisses her and says something so predictably sweet that it would be absolutely nauseating if it weren't for Justin Long.

My Problem:

This would NEVER happen in real life! Usually, when a girl yells at a guy for not being in love with her, he does not proceed to then actually fall in love with her. To guys, as far as I can tell, such a speech would communicate far too many needs and make said girl look "high maintenance." I love Ginnifer Goodwin and especially Justin Long, but I can't believe this ending. I really can't.

For those of you wondering why the hell I am re-capping a movie that came out decades ago (or, more precisely, a month), my answer is this:

I am moving on! The crush on The Coworker still lives (I cannot lie), but it is dying more and more each day (Yay death! said the hopelessly jaded blogger.)
He is not interested in a relationship, I am. He may very well be attracted to me (Come on, he so is), but one heated affair in the back room at work is not going to satisfy my every want and need, but instead create a whole other set of needs that I will in turn expect him to fulfill. And he can't. And honestly, I don't think I'd want him to, not if it meant tricking him into giving me something (a relationship) that he never really wanted to give in the first place.

So, as of now, we are moving on, we are obsessing about Twilight, we are brainstorming ideas for possible script-writing projects, we are re-embracing singledom (and by "we" I of course mean me!)

And you know what? It feels kind of good.

P.S. I'm upgrading to a Justin Long.


  1. Urrgh, He's Not That Into You AND Twilight mentioned in a single entry...?

    Get some culture, damnit! SOME CULTURE!

    I'm glad you are moving on, though :P

  2. Jesus, Sebastian, don't be such a snob! Clearly you don't mind that much if you read all the way to the end!
    Oh, and by the way, I have culture... but I'll choose what I say in my own blog, thank you very much.

  3. I'm not a snob! I've read Harry Potter...! And seen some of the films!

    I read it to the end because I thought it was interesting :)

    What do you like to do for... culture then?

  4. Well then, thanks I guess ;)
    God, what do I do for "culture"?
    I suppose I see movies that play at an art house as opposed to a megaplex, eat Thai food, worship (I mean "read") Oscar Wilde, and so on. To be honest, I've been sort of slacking off culture-wise lately. An antidote to becoming a little too snob-like in order to impress certain people.


Come on, tell me how you really feel!